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The wound is the place where the Light enters you. (Rumi, Persian Sufi mystic, 1207-1273)
Table of Contents
The Drive to Succeed
I have had a pretty full life, filled with adventure and world travel. My kids have always had a roof, food, and a lot of love. My wife is a wonderful gift from God. We lived in Orange County California where there was sun and fun at all times. Life, Career, and health were pretty good.
In 2008, I started a small business that eventually allowed me to speak at conventions and associate with a lot of great trading and financial executives.
At one point, I was working alongside one of the largest investment banks in the world, Cantor Fitzgerald. The Cantor Futures Exchange president flew his private plane from New York to my house in Maryville TN just to sit down and talk about ideas for the exchange. I felt like I was right on the verge of 'making it' and was on top of the world, to say the least. Here we are in 2014.
In the financial sector, there is an old saying that goes, " You are only as good as your last trade." At the time, I built probability trading software and always knew that at some point, I would run into an issue that could potentially take me out. It was scary knowing that it could happen in 10 years but could also happen today. The 'not knowing' started a spiral of thoughts that I was unable to recover from.
The constant drive to succeed started to take a toll on my mind so I brought in partners to help offload some of the work. Continual worry about the 'what ifs' started to keep me awake at night. I felt like I was being pulled in 4 different directions. I could no longer do what I wanted to do when I started this tiny business years ago - Now I was beholden to many people because if I ever failed, I would bring a lot of other people down with me.
Anger Destroys Health
The pressure was so intense, that I started becoming an angry person. I would stay mad from the time I opened my eyes until I went to bed at night. When I woke up in the middle of the night to pee, I was mad that I couldn't go back to sleep. I was mad that I ran out of a box of cereal. I even became furious about my loud cousin singing in the shower. It was ridiculous how angry I became at anyone and everything.
It was taking a toll on my marriage. My loving wife, whom I adore with all my being, put up with all of my anger and tried her best to help but there is no helping someone until they see the light for themselves. I was literally worrying myself sick and did it for years.
Sickness Shows it's Face
In 2017, all of a sudden, my body screamed, " I have had enough!!" I felt this uneasy feeling on the left side of my abdominal wall and thought it might be a pulled muscle. Within a week, I was visiting the doctor who had no diagnosis except, "If it gets worse, come back to see me."
Over the next few months, the pain turned into 24/7 nausea - a gastro-intestinal illness that doctors could not diagnose. I started to lose weight and eventually lost a third of my body weight - 86 pounds to be exact, and became BED-RIDDEN for 23 hours a day. Eating food was not much of an option because even the smell of food would cause severe vomiting. I started relying on a 100% liquid diet.
I decided to leave my business in one day. I shut the entire operation down and handed it over to one of the partners. There was just no way I could continue any further because I felt like I was going to die, at this point. I never went back to the trading world, except for some personal stuff that I still dabble in from time to time.
Here is a picture of me playing 'Battleship' with my son. I was too sick to get out of bed, this day. It was all I could do to concentrate enough to play...
My life started to consist of the following:
Edoscopies & Colonoscopies
CAT Scans & Ultrasounds
Blood Work & Biopsies
Urine & Stool Samples
Therapies & Medications
Severe Vomiting
Diarrhea All Day
Bleeding from my Pores
Excruciating Pain
Many other nasties...
MEDICAL COSTS WIPED OUT 100% OF OUR SAVINGS!
The doctors didn't know anything and kept passing me around from one specialist to another. They kept giving me pills which made me sicker. All of the treatments blew through our bank account faster than simply setting the money on fire. This added more to my daily worry. Now, I worried about how our family was going to survive financially.
Remembering Stories of Healing
I remembered the stories from my church about how healing was possible. Up until this point in life, I had not even given a second glance at health. It’s one of those things that you may never think about until you get sick. I was a junk food-eating, pack-a-day smoker & I had a vendetta against the world. I was rather an angry person at my core. I was mad at God. I remember thinking, as my pastor was praying for me…
Healing?! Hmph!
NOBODY HEALS.
All of that is just a bunch of Crackpot-Quackery!
My Healing Prayer
I was sitting on my balcony praying, asking the creator of the universe if he, she, or it was real or if I was in this alone. I remember yelling at God, "The pastor keeps preaching about how you are all love. If you are real, then PROVE IT!!"
I was still angry but pulling at straws trying to do anything I knew of to heal my body. The only thing I knew to do was pray.
I kept praying. There was nothing else the doctors could do. I knew that my healing prayer was either gonna be heard or I was going to die. I started trying alternative healing methods:
Juicing Celery
Acupuncture
Chiropractic care
Chinese Herbal Medicine
Crystals
Earthing
Tapping
Meditation - even though I had the misconception that meditation was just sitting with your eyes closed for 5 minutes.
My wife documented with a few pictures, during this time because we knew that one day I would be healed. We had to have faith. Without it, what else was there?
The Meditation Video
One night, I was trying to sleep so I looked for a sleep meditation on YouTube to help me relax. I came across this really weird meditation from a guy named Joe Dispenza. This was no normal meditation. It was so different that I almost turned it off but something was intriguing about it. Something drew me to this meditation.
The next day, I looked for more of his work and came across a meditation called, "The Breath" and OMG! After 5 minutes of this, my nausea & pain left for about 45 minutes! I was blown away because I had not felt somewhat decent in a long time.
Life changed for me that night. I started studying mindfulness, meditation, and all of the WooWoo Magic on the internet. Many things I read did not appeal to me but there were a few that made sense. All the 'Woo' had to be backed by science or I wanted nothing to do with it. I wasn't looking for religion... I was looking to heal!
I started to incorporate meditation with breathwork, emotions, and body movements. Surprisingly, when I was finished with each session, not only was I hungry… but food smelled ridiculously good! Slowly, I began eating entire plates full of food. My wife kept asking me to slow down because she thought I would throw it all up. I kept it down and everything seemed to be the best food I had ever tasted since I had not been able to eat in such a long time. This short video shows my initial 10-day transformation... which was the start of my 5-year healing journey.
Manifesting Things
This work not only allowed me to begin my healing journey but I also started manifesting things, as a side effect. I manifested everything from a felt tip pen to my dream job at a Trading School, as shown here.
Let's fast forward to TODAY. Over the years, I have used these techniques to:
QUIT SMOKING CIGARETTES (30-YEAR HABIT)
QUIT AN EXCESSIVE MARIJUANA HABIT
MANIFEST THE FAMILY OF MY DREAMS
HEAL ANXIETY AND PANIC ATTACKS
EXPERIENCE GRATITUDE DAILY
HEAL A FEAR OF EVERYTHING
GO ON TRAVEL ADVENTURES
GAIN EXTREME HAPPINESS
MANIFEST LOTS OF MONEY
MANIFEST MY DREAM CAR
MANIFEST A DREAM JOB
LOSE A BAD ATTITUDE
MANIFEST A HOUSE
HEAL A DISEASE
ON AND ON...
Dr. Joe wasn't the only method I followed. Some of the other avenues I followed were:
The Joe Dispenza Weeklong Changed Everything
It took years of hard work to heal and while I was healing, I never knew that I would be healed. Stepping out in faith was the only thing I had. I didn't have a mentor or team, other than my family. Trying to heal through YouTube videos and online downloads is very difficult.
My wife and son were my biggest cheerleaders, always supporting me and offering words of wisdom and a loving ear to listen.
I was about 70% healed by the summer of 2023 but I could not seem to get over that hump. I still had health flair-ups about once per month, like clockwork. When the flare-ups came, I was once again confined to the bed or couch for a few days at a time.
In April of 2023, I was alerted to a Week-Long healing event that was to take place in July. After a long talk with my wife on the back deck, we decided that I was going. We didn't know that I was going to heal, at the time. We were stepping out in faith.
We decided to have a family vacation in Colorado because the event was taking place in Denver. As luck would have it, the day before the event, I had a flair-up and became sick in Estes Park. We spent that morning in the hotel room and did not get to participate in all the activities we had planned for the day. After taking just a couple of pictures, we drove to the Hotel in Denver, in hopes that this event would have some positive effect on my body.
We were a little intimidated because these events are not cheap. Each attendee will shell out about $5,000 for the event, hotel, plane tickets, etc... when it's all said and done. Spending that kinda of money on what I thought was a hope and a whim made me think really hard if it was worth it. My wife said, " You will spend way more than that on one E.R. visit, so why not give it a try?"
Faith in Healing?
I was sick the first 3 days of the event. I couldn't eat. My wife took me to a nice restaurant the night before the event and we had to take the food back to the room because I just couldn't eat.
Every day for breakfast and lunch, I would just go hang out somewhere or maybe get a few items of food that I would pick at while talking with other event attendees. They would ask, "Can't you eat" and I would go into the story about how I was sick and was part of the gastro study. I didn't go into the nasty details of what needed to be collected during the study lol.
It was Day 3 (Day 4 because I didn't count the first night of the event when there were no meditations) and I was starting to get worried that we had just wasted all that money. I wasn't feeling any better. Sheer determination to see the event to the end kept me going.
One Meditation Can Heal
We were sitting there doing the breath and I had, for the first time in my life, a transcendental moment. I felt like I left my body for about 30 seconds and it scared the bejeezes out of me but I sat there and continued and then the subsequent meditation started and ended. I felt different. It was subtle but after the meditation, I got up and started moving my body all around to try to find the pain.
The pain was gone. The nausea was gone. I went to lunch and happily ate an entire plate of food. All of my table mates were stunned. I remember a friend, LindaLee saying, " You are eating, Ryan!" so I just snapped a quick photo after the meal to commemorate the event.
I saw so many people heal in Denver. I even watched people walk out of their wheelchairs. There is something to this work of meditation and I am determined to study it.
It is now December 19, 2023, and I have not had a flair-up since July. I have not had one day of stomach sickness and zero panic attacks.
My transformation was so impactful that my wife took notice. She saw such a drastic change in me that we decided to go to an event together. I wanted her to experience the amazing wonder that I was able to experience a few months prior. I wanted her to feel the love of the creator, just like I had felt, and continue to feel.
Cancun 2023
As we were on that magical beach, she was able to feel the love of God rain down on her, and my prayer that she have some type of transformative experience was answered.
What Now?
The short version of this long story is that I headed a chronic health condition through meditation and breathwork. It can be done and there is a plethora of scientific data to back up these claims. This entire blog series is to put the data behind the claims.
I believe that meditation is the future of preventative medicine. It took me years to worry myself sick and then years to heal but ultimately, I healed in one instant. There is a lot of research that still needs to take place and I am excited to be there to be a part of this brand-new scientific journey.