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Lucille Ball, the famous actress, once said, "Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world."
Table of Contents.
Defining Self-Love
Self-love is the practice of understanding, accepting, and appreciating oneself, regardless of self-perceived imperfections or mistakes.
Self-love is really important for growing as a person and for being mentally healthy. When we love ourselves, we feel good about who we are and this boosts our confidence. Having confidence helps us make good choices in life. It's like having a friend inside you who always believes in you. This kind of thinking makes us strong when facing tough times. When we have self-love, we also choose friends who treat us well and we learn to stay away from things that might not be the best for our journey.
Self-love plays a crucial part in helping us make our dreams come true. When we like and believe in ourselves, we're more likely to go after what we want in life.
Which of the following feels better to say?
I can do this!
I have to do this.
Simply allowing yourself to feel like you can do something, even though you are unsure if you can or not, makes it so much easier to manifest the reality that you desire. Plus, it's a lot more fun to pretend that everything is brighter than it may seem on the surface than it is to dread your circumstances!
Self-love isn't narcissism
Self-love and narcissism are confused by society, most of the time. However, they are vastly different.
Self-love is:
A positive and healthy form of self-acceptance
Understanding and appreciating your own value
Treating yourself with kindness and respect
Acknowledging your needs and limitations
Being compassionate towards yourself, family, and friends
Encouraging a balanced view of yourself
recognizing your strengths and weaknesses without criticism
Narcissism is:
Involved in an excessive focus on yourself
An inflated sense of self-importance
A lack of empathy for others
Overly preoccupied with your image
Unduly sensitive to criticism
A self-obsession
Manipulative or exploitative behavior
Damaging to you and everyone around you
The Significance of Self-Love
When you respect and love yourself, you're likely to take better care of your body. This includes eating nutritious foods, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep. These healthy habits help strengthen your immune system, making you less prone to illnesses.
In popular meditations, the goal is to love yourself. Many people that have been avid meditators for a long time are healthy or they have cured illness. Do you see the correlation? If you love yourself, your immune system keeps you healthier, as a byproduct.
When you feel good about yourself, you're more confident in your abilities and this usually leads to better performance and resilience in all areas of life, such as relationships, work, and manifesting. Think back on a time in your life when you didn't know how to do something but you told yourself something like, " I got this!" and you really did, 'Have this!' Everything was fine and you did the task that you didn't know how to do.
High levels of self-love also destroy depression and anxiety.... like in an hour or less! When you value yourself, you're more likely to have a positive outlook on life but even if you don't, you can sit and meditate and those feelings of selflessness, fear, or anxiety will leave. (If you don't know how to meditate, simply visit our group and everyone will help you learn.
The Influence of Manifesting
The biggie that everyone wonders about is 'Manifesting'. I like to call this 'Manifesting your Reality' because this is exactly the correct definition. We can manifest anything we want in life, good or bad, based on our thoughts and emotions.
If you haven't read the Book, 'Becoming Supernatural' by Dr. Joe Dispenza, please try it. I think there is even a free audiobook version on YouTube somewhere. This book refers to the science of creating anything, out of thin air, simply by focusing your attention on it. It works. I use the methods in my own life, daily.
The Spouse Test
Even without the Woo-Woo magic, do you think it is easier to manifest... I don't know... a perfect spouse if you don't first love yourself? You can manifest "A" spouse but will they be perfect for you? By loving yourself first, your potential spouse will add to the happiness in your life, instead of being a burden on the sadness of a depressed person.
Your future (or current) spouse will amplify the feelings you already have about yourself. If you love yourself, you will generally choose a spouse that loves their self too. Even if, by chance, you choose a spouse that doesn't have a great deal of self-esteem, your own self-worth will compensate and help them cope with life. However, if both you and your spouse have a low value of yourselves, it may feel like the blind is leading the blind and be a long road ahead.
A Parable About Self-Love
Bob and Nancy have been married for 22 years. They love each other very much. They seem to be in love with life. You will never see them without a smile on their faces. Most of the time, they are the life of the party, cracking jokes and being overly eccentric.
At home behind closed doors, Bob is a depressed man who goes through life second-guessing most major decisions. He has hidden health issues and sees life as a burden. He often thinks about suicide. Nancy isn't happy either, even though she seems this way in public. Her friends, who seem to be picked from some Sorority sisters club, find it a little uncomfortable to be around her for too long. She is often joked about as 'CrAzY NaNcY' from down the street because even though she always 'SEEMS' happy, people can see right through the fake facade.
Neither Bob nor Nancy ever helps others because they live in lack. They often have the attitude, "Why does everyone else have but we don't?"... They sit at the dinner table gossiping about how everyone else is stupid and greedy. They even manipulate people into doing only what benefits them... Of course, they have to put on a smile and act as if they care because they would not want the world to know their true blackened hearts. This would destroy their public image.
Bill and Julia have been married for 25 years. They also love each other very much. They are both in love with life. They love their friends and family. They work as a team to help each other stay in a positive attitude, on a daily basis. Sometimes if Bill is feeling a little blue, Julia will ask for them to meditate together. Other times, when Julia wants more out of life, Bill will ask her to, "Put the request into the field." - (Which means to offer up a request to the universe and act as if it's already complete)
Anytime they see someone in need, they try to help. For instance, their friend Sam couldn't pay his rent last month and they helped with a couple hundred dollars, even though it would mean they might have to forego their monthly date night.
When Covid happened, they both got sick and lost their jobs. They decided to take it one day at a time, loving each other, being there for one another, and knowing that they could make it through anything. They both value their lives and their hearts are full of love.
The Plot Twist! Bob and Nancy are the same people as Bill and Julia, only 3 years ago. One day the couple made a firm decision to change their lives and they set out to do so. It took a solid 3 years but now they are so in love with everything. Life is 500% better. All they did was change their focus. They used their obstacles as a starting point and simply started making small, incremental changes each day.
Obstacles to Self-Love
Religion
Societal and Cultural Factors often play a part in teaching us, at an early age that self-worth is evil. For instance, some religious organizations emphasize the concept of humility and the idea of being 'unworthy' in the face of a higher power. These feelings of unworthiness often snowball into feeling a lack of self-love in any setting.
Ryan's Obstacle
In my own life, I have dealt with feelings of unworthiness. My thoughts were, "Who am I to think that I can have the life of my dreams?" Sometimes I would think, "How can I love God if I love myself?"
I thought I was being selfish if I thought about myself and the things that I wanted until I learned that 100% of people do everything for selfish reasons. When a very nice person helps someone else, they do it because they will feel good when they do it. Technically, this is a self-driven reason. It's OK to be selfish if my selfishness is not derived in a Narcissistic manner.
Society
Sometimes society sees self-worth as narcissistic because we see all the movie stars and those in power as evil-doers. Some people in a public setting can indeed have a nasty self-obsession or manipulative/exploitative behavior but not everyone. Just because a person has wealth or power, doesn't mean that they are evil... even though that's what many of us have been taught.
We all loved ourselves when we were younger. We all had high hopes and dreams. Maybe we wanted to become a movie star or an astronaut. Maybe we just wanted a peaceful life. As we grew older, maybe that restaurant manager told us that our dreams were unreachable. Maybe that high school teacher said we would not amount to anything. Maybe our parents told us to stop aiming so high and be responsible. Whatever the case, some of us, forgot how much we loved ourselves, along the way. We forgot that we are just as worthy as every other person on the planet.
Now, as an adult, maybe you think to yourself, I'm unworthy because I have been this way as long as I can remember. Nothing will change. Since I've always been this way, I'll always be this way.
"I respectfully disagree."
Try this little exercise. Think of 3 times in your life when you did something great - something absolutely amazing! Can't think of 3, then think of 1. We have all done something wonderful that we are proud of, sometime in our lives. Think about it and bring back the emotions of how you felt. Sometimes music will help us feel emotions so look up your favorite song from that period of your life and listen to it while imagining.
How great did you feel?
How in love with life were you?
What if you could do it again?
External Forces
Probably the biggest misconception we have about self-love is that we need something outside of ourselves to make us happy. This is the largest lie we can ever tell ourselves. Right now, you are sitting there reading this article. There is nothing else going on; You are in the present moment. Just like when you bury yourself in a good book or watch your favorite movie, it's likely that you are not thinking about the past or future with the exception of the little exercise above.
The only reason why we are happy or sad is that we are either anticipating a future that hasn't happened yet or we are dwelling on something in our past that did happen. These two forces have nothing to do with your happiness RIGHT NOW at this very moment. If you are going to think about the past or future, try to think in terms of possibility, gratitude, or love.
Below, you will find some strategies that will help you get back that long-forgotten sense of self-love. If you do these practices on a daily basis for 30 days, you will see a noticeable improvement in your life. If you do them for a year, you will be such a changed person that everyone around you will begin to ask you what you are doing that makes you so happy.
Strategies for Cultivating Self-Love
Mindful Meditation: Sometimes on the internet, they see meditation as a 5-minute practice but I am going to ask more from you. Spend a minimum of 30 minutes each day in quiet meditation, focusing on your breath and being present in the present moment. Try to clear your mind and think of nothing. If you do think of something, talk to yourself only in a loving manner. Find some amazing meditation music HERE.
Gratitude and Manifesting Journaling: Write down your thoughts, feelings, and the things you want to experience daily. Write down things you are grateful for already. This can be a great way to process emotions and reflect on your day. Steve Harvey has a great video about writing down a specific number of things you want. You can find all about that HERE.
Physical Activity: Engage in some form of physical exercise each day, whether it's a full workout, a brisk walk, or just stretching. Exercise releases endorphins, which boost your mood. If you don't like the idea of exercise, simply start with 5 minutes of something and work your way up from there until you are exercising at a rate that you are happy with the following day.
Healthy Eating: Nourish your body with healthy, balanced meals. Eating well can improve your physical health and energy levels. In the grocery store, try to stay away from the middle of the store (processed foods) and shop on the outside isles where the fruits and vegetables are.
Adequate Sleep: Prioritize getting enough sleep each night. A solid night's sleep is crucial for both physical and mental health, any day of the week.
Personal Positive Affirmations: Start your day with your personal positive affirmation, quote, or mantra. Don't use one that was created by anyone else. Make it yours. This will begin to boost your self-esteem and outlook on everything. We will go over the steps to do this in the next section.
Social Connections: Spend time with friends or family members who uplift and support you. We are social animals and need to be able to express ourselves with other like-minded individuals. Positive social interactions are key to emotional well-being. If you don't have anyone, join us HERE. We would love to have you. This is a judgment-free zone.
Engage in Hobbies: Dedicate time to activities or hobbies you enjoy. Doing things you love can be a great way to relax and feel fulfilled. I don't care if you read a book, watch Netflix, rock climb, or hug a tree. If you enjoy it, do it.
Self-love isn't selfish; it's an important part of maintaining your overall well-being. It's the part that allows us to propel ourselves out of a life of shit, into the reality that we want.
How to Craft Your Emotional Self-Love Quote
You want something personal, something unique to you and no one else.
Reflect on Personal Values and Strengths
What are you good at?
What do you love?
What are you passionate about?
Gather Inspiration from your favorite Quotes
They can come from a book or movie.
They can be funny.
They can even be sassy!
Brainstorm
Start jotting down words or phrases.
After you have compiled a bunch, put them together.
Keep the one you love the most!
Keep it Short and Memorable
It must mean something to you.
You must be able to remember it.
You must have an emotion tied to it.
When I was creating my emotional self-love quote, I started writing down words surrounding meditation and healing because this is what I am passionate about. Knowing that I can alter my perception of life by meditating allows me to have a ton of self-love. It's personal to me and means something, even if it means nothing to anyone else. Make it your own.
My short mantra is extremely simple, "I am the healed meditator." This was derived from my long-form mission and vision, below. To me, this reminds me that I healed from a disease through meditation alone. If I can do this, I can do anything. If I can sit down with nothing but my mind and come out a happier person than I was before, through no external influence, then what else do I need?
Implementing Your Self-Love Quote in Daily Life
Once you have your emotional self-love quote, make a few copies and keep one with you. Maybe place one on your desk. You can even put it on the fridge or a mirror. Place it somewhere obvious where you will see it every day.
Mine is on my computer screen so every time I boot it up, it's there. I have a dual monitor setup so when I am working on one screen, the other screen has my quote so I, literally, see my quote hundreds of times per day.
Say your quote in the shower and feel the emotions tied to it. Feel what it's like when you really think deeply about your mantra. Visualize and feel but always make sure you feel emotion when you visualize because visualizing alone doesn't do anything.
Our brains work on emotions. For instance, remember that time you went on that perfect vacation and stopped to get gas... What brand of gas did you get and how many gallons? You may not remember because pumping gas is a pretty emotionless thing to do. However, now think about that perfect vacation and the happiness that you had. You can remember because your emotions were turned on during this time.
Your Next Steps
I would like for you to turn to your neighbor and have an interesting discussion about what we learned here today. You can do this with your friend at home or in our PRIVATE GROUP.
Does the concept of self-love make sense to you?
What are some obstacles you have had to deal with concerning loving yourself?
Do you think you can love yourself, honestly?
What steps will you take to experience self-love?
Would you like to adopt a buddy system for accountability?
Would your life be better if you loved yourself more?
Would the lives of those around you be better if you loved yourself more?
What are the lies you have told yourself about self-love?
You fill in the blank...
If I had to give any advice, it would be to become aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Once you are aware of your thoughts, you can begin to change them.
4-4-4 Free Giveaway
Sometimes we need a little nudge. It's more comfortable to stay where we are than to talk about our feelings, even though talking about our feelings can often help us break free.
During February, we are giving away 4 of these shirts to 4 active members of our private group, over the next 4 weeks. To win, you don't have to be the most active but you can't be the least active.
You can throw your name in the hat by simply:
liking posts
commenting on posts
sharing the group with others
posting videos, pictures, quotes
engaging in any way.
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